Why Won’t He Get Involved?
Hello and happy Friday, my lovelies!
Today I’d like to bring up a little subject that aaaaaaaaaaaall my brides seem to agree upon. (If you’re the one exception, speak out! We really want to believe differently!)
That subject is: the groom’s involvement in the wedding planning.
Or, well, his lack thereof (generally). Our guys are Renaissance men. They’re proud of our careers and flaunt the fact that we’re so ambitious. They do laundry (sometimes). They might even shed a tear or two during a chick flick if we’ve really got a keeper.
So why then do so many grooms flinch in fear from the idea of “helping” to plan a wedding that’s for both of you? And is there anything that will induce your equal partner-to-be to get into reception patterns and flower arrangements?
Maybe. Or maybe not. Since it’s worth a try, here are our top reasons grooms so often seem to be uninvolved in the wedding planning process, and tips for how to encourage — or how to deal.
1. He wasn’t trained to be “into” it. Like it or not, and yes, I say this as an accomplished individual with a career, men just aren’t raised on all things wedding the way we are. Even Barbie and Ken had wedding attire, including trunks to hold the goods in. Dreaming of her future wedding is a common thing for many little girls.
But it’s probable your groom didn’t have the same experience. He can’t figure out what all the fuss is about. And like much of society, he may be thinking it’s all for you, the bride.
Let him know that it’s his wedding too — and let him know in an encouraging, not demanding, way. Invite him on one, just one, wedding planning jaunt, and make it a short one; for example, confirming the wedding menu.
You might be surprised, and so might he, at how he realizes he does have opinions on individual game hens (his wallet certainly does) and on the many many wonders of buttercream (mmmmmmmmmm). If not, that’s okay. You both reached across the aisle, no pun intended.
2. He may be thinking you’re thinking his ideas are stupid. Be honest: when he suggested light blue for his tux, you laughed just a little. Yes you did, come on. (Okay, so maybe this is a little autobiographical. I laughed.)
If he’s hesitant to begin with in making the wedding and reception plans, and his one or two ideas are met with that look, he won’t want to bring the subject up again. When he suggests something, wait. Think about it. It might be a good idea. In fact, it might just be a great idea. Or it might be an idea that stinks — but it’s all his and it will make the day more meaningful for him.
He’s his own person. His opinions are valid. Honor them and you’ll see a more enthusiastic response the next time you ask for help or ideas.
3. He may be worrying that too much involvement on his part will seem, err, a little less than uber-masculine. Yup, we all know this one was coming. Guys do in fact rib other guys if they get too “into” the wedding planning process. It may all be in good fun but deep down, your boy is embarrassed.
Don’t henpeck him, don’t demand, don’t plead, don’t cry, don’t lay down the guilt and don’t — DON’T — do not (hope we were clear about that) push him into wedding answers in front of his friends. Ask once, in private, for his opinion on an aspect of your wedding and then don’t ask again about that aspect. Be very very casual about this. Toss out the occasional question as part of your normal conversation.
If he gets comfortable with not being pressured and with his input being low-key, he may open up more and be of more help.
4. It may just not be his “thing.” Not every groom is interested in the details of planning something like a wedding. Not even every bride is. By far. We’ve known a lot of brides over the years and we’ve seen a lot of stress on the part of brides who thought they “should” be all gaga over daisies, vases and little tiny rocks.
Your groom may be the same way. Don’t automatically go the psych route and feel he’s afraid, embarrassed or uncertain. He may just be bored. Period.
If he is, don’t force him. Do, however, enlist in help, and lots of it, from friends and family. You should never have to do all the wedding planning on your own. Let your groom do his own thing, but don’t do it all and silently simmer. Trust me, there are plenty of people around you who are absolutely dying to help — let them.
Remember that the most important thing is your lifetime together, not the wedding day. (Hard to believe, I know. 
But true.) Try not to stress so much on who does what when it comes to wedding planning, and don’t feel abandoned if your guy is less than enthusiastic. Each of you is getting something special — one another. And that’s what really counts.
Get Down, Get Funky: Is a DJ Right for You?
As our summer brides wrap up their wedding plans, we’re getting a lot of input about the music selections for the reception. We’ve discovered something interesting.
Despite the cliche of the “wedding singer” (a la Adam Sandler) grooving his way inappropriately and sometimes humorously through reception after reception, our respondents choose DJs just as frequently as live music.
On the other hand, maybe it shouldn’t be such a surprise. There are definite perks to having a DJ man the music at your reception (though ultimately, it’s your choice). Here’s what to keep in mind when considering a DJ for your wedding:
1. Recorded music is more reliable…usually. Obviously, a CD is never going to be off key or forget verses. On the other hand, the DJ you select must have clean, current copies of the music you want. Bad equipment can also spoil the effect. Before you hire your DJ, have a listen during your interview with him or her. And make sure the samples are of the music type and genre you want at your reception — you never know which part of the DJ’s collection is overused or perhaps worse, never updated.
2. It’s all about personality. Does the DJ you’re interviewing seem personable without being cheesy? Does he have any recordings of his skills in action at a real wedding? A DJ needs to know when to speak up (“Now let’s get all the ladies out on the dance floor!”) and when to shut up (you definitely don’t want a babbler making a running commentary during your father-and-daughter dance).
3. His/her work ethic counts. No matter how fantastic a prospective DJ seems, if he doesn’t show up on time, takes down his equipment early or — probably worst case, here — cancels on engagements at the last minute, run! How do you find out your DJ’s professional style? Insist upon references, and make sure they’re recent. Don’t get a printout of testimonials. Ask for phone numbers and speak to the couples in person to get the real scoop. On average, our brides call between three and five references before hiring their DJ.
4. Don’t let hidden fees sneak up on you. Ask in advance of hiring what overtime and other fees may entail. Get this — and all topics you and the prospective DJ discuss — in writing.
5. Make sure the DJ knows your genre of choice. DJs often comment, albeit briefly (if they’re doing it right), on selections. If you’re a rock fan and the DJ loves country, it may not be a perfect fit. Ask questions about what artists/bands the DJ himself might select in the genre you’ve chosen. If he stumbles or generally doesn’t seem knowledgeable, move on.
A great DJ really makes your wedding reception sparkle, so choose carefully. Did you choose a DJ? Were you delighted? Disappointed? Or did you choose live music (or perhaps not have music at all)? Leave us a comment!
Filed under General Info, Reception Basics, Tips to Avoid Wedding Disasters | Comments (2)A Wedding Planner? Questions Answered
Many wonder if they need to have a Planner when they think they can just do everything themselves. I can tell you after coordinating many weddings (and I’ve retired from that now) you will be so glad you hired one.
Having a planner gives you peace of mind and helps keep you calm on a very happy but stressful day. The following questions are often asked by those who are still vacillating, I hope the answers will help with your decision:
1) What will a planner do for me?
a) Hold your hand through the whole process. This is very comforting when last minute changes take place and quick decisions have to be made.
b) He/she will negotiate the contracts with your vendors so all you have to do is tell your Planner what you like and, most importantly, what you don’t like, and he/she will make sure you get what you want.
c) Help design the wedding to suit your style and personality.
2) Should I hire my planner before booking the venue?
Whenever possible you should hire your planner as soon as you get engaged so they are there to help give you the vision you have for your special day.
3) If my venue offers a coordinator do I still need a wedding planner?
A planner that you hire is always on your side. If you use the coordinator of the venue, their job is to make sure you buy lots of food, beverages, etc. However, your planner can help you with your overall budget and will keep it in mind and also what’s most important to you.
4) If I find vendors that I especially like on my own, say for example, a wedding favor company, is it okay to tell my Planner that I want this particular vendor?
This is your special day, and of course you can let your Planner know of any specific wishes you have, venues or vendors you especially want to use. The Planner is there to carry out your wishes, and is happy to do so.
5) Can I hire a Planner just for the wedding day?
Yes, you can hire a planner for the day diy wedding planningand he/she will execute all the plans you have made. Of course, this means you have to be extremely organized, have every detail planned and written down so they are able to do their job efficiently. You’ll need to make lots of lists, have a vendor list with phone numbers and what you expect. Getting cell phone numbers of the vendors is a very good idea in case they are stuck in traffic, etc. and the Planner needs to contact them. Make sure you set aside time to go over all the details with the Planner if they are only going to be there the day of your wedding.
Filed under General Info, Tips to Avoid Wedding Disasters, Weddings By Color, Weddings by Seasons | Comment (0)Prepare Yourself For Your Wedding Day
Every bride wants perfection on her wedding day. After all, it’s what she has dreamed about since she saw her first “At Last I Found My Prince” movie. However, there are some things you need to know so you will be prepared for the unexpected, which I can almost guarantee will happen.
1- To save yourself a lot of grief, recognize there will be mishaps – don’t expect perfection, it will only lead to frustration. Your cake might have something happen in delivery – perhaps it’s leaning. Know that it’s your wedding day and you’re going to have a great time! Even the most seasoned wedding planner might encounter last minute hitches in your wedding.
2- When thinking about your Limo think about the season of your wedding. If your wedding is in the high wedding season or holidays, you’ll have to book it way in advance. As soon as you set your wedding date, book your transportation. You might get a discount for booking early or take advantage of special packages they offer. If you wait until 2 months before the wedding, you may be paying next year’s prices.
3- Expect the unexpected! If you’re having an outdoor wedding, make sure you have a plan B. Always choose decor that can be used indoor or out so if things have to be moved inside it will look as good inside as it does outside. Think about having a tent for your outdoor reception to protect your decor from the elements in case of rain.
4- Think about insurance. You have a lot of money invested in this day. Since it’s one of the biggest expenses you’ll have in your life, it gives you peace of mind knowing you have insurance in case of any financial loss.
5- When choosing a wedding planner, be sure you feel comfortable with them, you’re trusting them with the most important day of your life. Interview more than one planner and find somebody that gets your vision, understands what you are doing and relates to you on every level.
Since I mentioned “At Last I Found My Prince” at the beginning of this post, I thought you’d enjoy seeing some popular fairytale favors.
Filed under General Info, Reception Basics, Tips to Avoid Wedding Disasters, Weddings By Color, Weddings by Seasons | Comment (0)Wedding Day Emergencies – Be Prepared
Sometimes things just happen, so you need to think ahead and be prepared. You can start with a wedding day emergency kit.
There are many wedding emergency kits available on the market, which, while being very convenient, can cost as much as $165.00. This is one area you don’t have to be creative, just practical. I’m sure you have something you can use to contain all the supplies you should put together. An overnight bag? A very large purse? A gift box? How about one of those clear hanging shoe bags you can probably buy for a couple of dollars? Use the individual pouches to organize your kit, and it can be hung on a door knob or over a door, so you, or anyone else in the room, can see what you need and it’s easily accessible.
Here are some ideas of what you might need. Of course, this list is what I can think of off the top of my head. If you have more suggestions, I’d be happy to share them. In many cases, sample sizes are all you need. Check out the travel section of your local drug store or WalMart. Or, if you will be traveling before your wedding, often Hotels leave these in your room, set them aside for your kit. Also you can purchase travel size items
Hairspray
Deodorant
Clear nail polish (for stocking runs)
Mouthwash
Band aids
Safety Pins
Sewing Kit
Hand Lotion
Duct Tape
Advil/Tylenol/Tums
Gum
Earring Backs
Sanitary supplies
extra hair pins
Scissors
Tweezers
Extra Shoe Laces
Corsage pins
Extra panty hose
Straws (so the bride can stay hydrated without messing up her lipstick)
White Out/White chalk – good for covering specks or smudges on your dress.
Krazy Glue (for nail fixes, shoe heels, decorations, even jewels)
The most common problem is with the wedding dress. The hem starts to fall or the bustle doesn’t work like it should or comes down when dancing. There are always wardrobe malfunctions, so having a sewing kit is a must!!
Strapless dresses are gorgeous, but all night long you find yourself constantly pulling up your dress (a moment you definitely don’t want captured on someone’s camera). Find a high quality surgical grade tape and fold it so it’s double sided and stick inside the top of your dress and to you. I’ve tried those little tapes that are supposed to hold your blouse closed between the buttons, etc…personally it hasn’t worked yet. So make sure whatever you find, it will work. Pure Style Girlfriends has products they claim work. I’ve never tried them, but it’s a good resource if you want to check them out.
Did you know that if wine spills on your dress a good tip is to put a towel under the stain and spray it with an aerosol hairspray, blotting it until the stain comes out. This helpful tip was by Brian Rafanelli (Rafanelli Events), when he actually had to do this for a bride while in her dress.
Don’t stress (easy for me to say), just try to anticipate what might happen and be prepared.
Filed under General Info, Tips to Avoid Wedding Disasters | Comment (1)