Should You Have Children at Your Wedding?

Children are a delight, but many to-be-weds face a dilemma: should they or shouldn’t they invite little ones to the wedding?

You may feel like an ogre if you’re in the “no way!” camp, but there are a number of factors to consider before opening the chapel doors to the children of friends and family. And trust us, guests who’ve been brides or grooms themselves understand. Here are a few thoughts on what to consider and whether having children at your wedding is the right thing to do.

1. Your wedding budget. Do you have enough room in the wedding budget for additional guests — even if they’re small ones? For many couples, the total budget is a deciding factor in whether or not to invite the children of family and friends. Try this fix: Find out whether the reception venue will give you a reduced cost for kid-size servings. If not, and you’ll be placing a $35 plate in front of a picky toddler who only wants juice or a six-year-old who thinks “asparagus tastes like barf,” your answer may be “no” to having little ones take a seat at your big day. Don’t feel bad — this is a simple matter of practicality.

2. The size of the venue. The venue bucks add up too, so looking for a larger spot to tie the knot may just not be feasible. Try this fix: Ask whether the venue has a separate area that the children can party in while the grown-ups mix, and hire a babysitter to oversee the group.

3. The style of the establishment. Let’s face it: Some locales just aren’t right for children, not because they’re “too fancy for kids!” but simply because the little ones will be uncomfortable, bored and unhappy. Try this fix: Hire a babysitter to come into the home of a guest member who’s local to the wedding and reception venue and let them party all night so they can be celebrating, too — but without the discomfort and tears.

4. Whether you and/or your fiance has children. If the marrying couple has children, they will often be more accepting of others’ kids at the ceremony and the reception, though this isn’t always the case. Still, you may feel uncomfortable not having others’ children at your special day if your own will be attending. Try this fix: Have your children take part in the ceremony (bridesmaids, a flower girl or ring bearer, ushers, etc.). This way they’re not simply youngsters running around; they’re integral to the ceremony and as such, should and must take an active part.

The bottom line: Whether or not you invite children to your wedding is up to you — and there is no wrong decision. You’re not slighting a child by not inviting him or her; sometimes, it’s just a logistical or practical impossibility. If you simply can’t make inviting children to your wedding work, buy each child of your invited guests a small “wedding gift” or set up a fun evening for them off-grounds so they know they’re a part of things. They’ll love you all the more for it, and the parents will appreciate the gesture more than they can say.

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